Extreme negative reaction to mistakes
Harsh self-criticism
Nagging self doubt
An increasing inability to focus conscientiously on tasks (hell, you figure, how can I manage to do well, given that I am already such a screwup).
And, an emotional unraveling at a relatively young age.
Those traits, found researchers Simon Sherry and Martin Smith, characterize perfectionism.
That syndrome has become an epidemic in western society among millennials. Here is a description of their meta analysis.
It was also that maladaptive perfectionism which Joanna Litt contends drove her husband to suicide. He had been Gabe MacConaill, a partner in BigLaw. Here is Litt's open letter published in Law.com.
Among the factors causing the epidemic, Sherry and Smith state, are:
Dog-eat-dog work world. It's all too easy to take success much too seriously. However, given that so many industries have become a zero-sum game, it seems the only shot at success is to be totally focused on doing everything just right.
Harsh, over-controlling parents. They aren't new per se.
When I was the kid from the hood in an accelerated program in high school, I first ran into the 60s' version of helicopter parents. They harped on my female classmates about their weight and the male ones about earning a letter in sports to get into an Ivy. When they noticed me at an academic awards function they told me to bleach the dark hair on my arms.
What is new is that parents feel compelled by social media to feature perfect offspring on Facebook. Their Offspring R Them.
Media, both third party and social, had created unattainable standards for everything from appearance to achievements. Some of my colleagues in public relations contend that The Media is the most powerful force in current times. The force has more influence than governments, businesses, and even political leaders.
Way back when, youth usually had been preoccupied with one person whose abilities and accomplishments made them feel less-than. That was captured in the best-selling novel at that time - John Knowles' "A Separate Peace."
By the end of college, most could shake off that obsession with The Other by simply gliding into one or more of the standard rites of passage:
- The female gets married
- The male gets the first real job
- The female gets a traditional job such as teaching
- Both sexes go to professional or graduate school.
The transitions were such an ordeal that there was no energy left for peeking outside their own box to wonder how it would be playing in someone else's box.
Right now, the only box which matters is the media one.
In his book "Excellent Sheep," William Deresiweicz describes that generation as one which fears making a mistake and has difficulty bouncing back from failure, no matter how trivial. An adjunct professor of communications at several New York City universities tells us that his students all want "A" grades. That's even though they have been told that the "C" students become the bosses of the "A" and that many of us older generations regret single-mindedly pursuing top grades.
The solution? Perhaps there needs to be several pilot programs about establishing whatevers, ranging from schools to video games, which deliver the Beatles' Message: Let It Be. Then measure the mental health and accomplishments of those groups compared to the mainstream population of their peers.
The reality is that the present perfectionism bites all generation in the butt. It wasn't until I decided on semi-retirement that my enterprises had a roaring comeback. I define "semi-retirement" as restricting my business to only the assignments I wanted to accept, with clients who treated with respect, and at the fee which I perceived as fair.
An anti-perfectionist app might deliver self-talk that we have a perfect right to choose who we are, what we do to earn a buck (drop careerism), and how we look (which will never be perfect).
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