Law And More

Aging As the New Orphans - Lawyers Replace Family

In November 2003, my younger sister Anne Murga-Ring and I became estranged. I was 58, at the time: young old. 

But even then I got it: I was w/o family, at least the nuclear kind. Parents and older sister had died. Relationships with cousins and their children, always frayed, had split their seams. I felt unhinged. After all, the ethnic ethos in America is All in the Family.

Now, experts on aging confirm that my distress was appropriate. They warn that navigating aging can be more difficult w/o family. Increasingly, more of us are winding up just that way: flying solo and often flying blind.

What's coming up is the 16th anniversary of that estrangement. In my thinking and in how I conduct my personal and professional affairs plenty has changed since then. 

Let's cut to the chase. What I have discovered is that a satisfying secure life can be put together while getting older w/o any family members. 

This is what I know:

• Actress Betty White, who has become advocate for older Americans, has hammered that aging isn't for sissies. This stage of a life represents as challenging a rite of passage as transitioning from formal education to the world of work. Therefore, I had to and continually still have t0 invest time and attention in figuring out what are the obstacles and opportunities in no longer being young. The number-one problem was denial. The major advantage was breaking open to forms of satisfaction beyond a career.
• Estate planning doesn't mean creating an inheritance for siblings. My beneficiary is an animal cause.
• Lawyers can be contracted to handle every detail. That ranges from whether to pull the plug to closing down all matters after I die. Sure, there's a fee. But there is also always a kind of fee in the complex maze of family relationships. 
• Holidays can represent startups. Mine has been to use them to see the USA in my Chevrolet. That need not be expensive. Discount Motel 6 takes dogs free. LOV, my four-legged son, enjoys the holidays as much as I do.
• Developing a small circle of trusted allies is mandatory. They provide early warning systems of what is going wrong. During the past two years that network has included a millennial. She flagged me that I had to end my preoccupation with money. I had "enough." And enough is enough. In the book "Making Toast," Roger Rosenblatt pointed out how little we really need later in life. 
• For those of us still determined to keep working, an executive coach is useful. From mine I "needed permission" to turn down assignments I didn't sense were a fit. Sure, I have down cold the Pareto Rule (80% of revenue comes for 20% of clients). But the residual insecure parts of me still required permission.

Not that getting older has been a wonderful "growth" experience. However, the process took on the quality of an adventure when I got the hang of transcending my own comfort zones. Here, free to download, is my book on all that. 

As my communications clients were observing how I was mastering aging, w/o family, they asked me to assist them. Where they especially found guidance useful was the professional identity piece. They wondered: How could they play better the cards they still held and how could they manage to get different ones? Yes, it's possible to be a Late Bloomer. Look at Betty White, Clint Eastwood, et al.

I have added over-50 coaching to the menu of services I offer.

Coaching, lecturing, and writing/ghostwriting thought leadership content on aging.  

 

For individual coaching – sliding scale fees. Complimentary initial consultation. The displaced over-50 get back to work. Please contact Jane Genova janegenova374@gmail.com.

 

Robert Cicale - Another Professional with JD (this one a judge) & Self-Defeating Behavior

Human behavior is too complex to reduce to narrow labels. In addition, those designations are often proved wrong over the centuries. Many of the categories of Sigmund Freud have been discredited. 

So, only the arrogant would attempt to provide a simple interpretation of why those with JDs too often wind up on the wrong side of the law. What might be useful is to describe that phenomenon with the broad term "self-defeating." Let's put it this way: The choices they make do not advance their career.

The most recent example of what I would classify as "self-defeating" behavior was the decision to enter the residence of a young female, go into the hamper, retrieve used panties, and stuff them into his coat. According to police records, former New York Suffolk County District Court judge - Robert Cicale, 50 - did exactly that. He had been arrested.

On Friday, reports the New York Post, Cicale took a plea for a lesser crime, that is, attempted burglary. That, though, is still a felony. In New York state, any felony results in an immediate disbarment. Some find that harsh. But that is what is right now.

In November is Cicale's sentencing. What is expected are probation for five years and registering as a sex offender. 

Tabloids might approach depicting Cicale's saga as cartoonish. However, this represents a human catastrophe. Given its frequency among JDs, law schools might introduce electives in behavior management.

Ranging from Shakespeare's concept of "cankered in the grain" to the Roman Catholic Church notion of "original sin," it is obvious that the human species has a dark side. However, once that reality is embraced, then future lawyers can work on themselves to manage their behavior.

Yes, recovery programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous have demonstrated that it is possible to control self-defeating impulses. The rub is that people have to want to do that. Perhaps too many JDs prefer a walk on the wild side instead of protecting their careers. 

This blog extends compassion to Robert Cicale and those who care about him.

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Reputation Laundering - The Genius, Money, and Morality

Despite the Sixth Amendment - the right to a defense - superlawyers such as David Boies have been criticized for pulling out all stops assisting their clients.

Forever will resonate Jason Farrow's outing of this in The New Yorker. However, the reality is this: Boies' law firm continues to be in demand. Unlike the warrior in the film "John Wick 3," Boies has not had imposed on him an "excommunicado."

But the legal defense is only a part, perhaps a relatively small one, in the parallel universe that those with significant resources can operate. 

Before, during, and after that win in the court of law could come what John Naughton The Guardian essentially labels as "reputation laundering." The analysis fingers the MIT Media Lab as the platform for the attempt to restore Jeffrey Epstein's brand. 

Rebranding, just like many defenses in the court of law, requires strategic genius, money, and its own kind of morality. The latter mirrors capitalism's notion of paying for a service.

In reputation laundering that payment is usually high. Over the years, Epstein donated large sums to the MIT Media Lab and motivated those on his global network to also contribute.

According to current norms, society now demands that process be transparent.

Had the MIT Lab disclosed in detail those financial windfalls, perhaps members of the media, including Ronan Farrow again in The New Yorker, wouldn't have this issue to cover.

Actually, it's an ideal one for the ambitious media. More recently, Harvard has also been outed as accepting Epstein's contributions and appointing him as a "fellow" (a kind of professor) in the psychology department. At a time when many have become weary of national politics, this particular story has legs.

The U.S. Constitution guarantees the defense.

But there is no constitutional guarantee that the influential institutions in society will continue to allow reputation laundering. Businesses, such as public relations firms, could be, yes, be stamped with an "excommunicado" decree if they accept a rebranding assignment for what is perceived as a questionable cause or an enemy of the people. 

The Verge is among the communications sources which reported that disgraced media tycoon Roger Ailes was planning a comeback. After his non-compete provision with Fox News ended, he, assisted with venture capitalist Peter Thiel's funding, was envisioning a rival to Fox. That would be another kind of conservative cable network. 

Likely, a moving part in that would have had to be reputation restoration. Could Ailes' long-time personal public relations representative Bob Dilenschneider been assigned that project? Could that mission of reinvention be pulled off?

Many Ailes watchers never counted him out to time travel to an undiscovered planet of accomplishment. What seems unthinkable simply might be conceived within a framework lacking imagination and push.

It was before prison that the Nixon Administration lawyer Chuck Colson seemed to begin to self-launder his reputation. He found and shared spirituality. When he died the obituaries hailed his contribution to humanity. 

What could be crossing the minds of those not perched on the top rungs of the socio-economic ladder in America is deep resentment. They assume that they are locked out of the shot at reputation laundering. On the agenda for ending inequality could be tutorials on the art of rebranding.

But that hostility may arise from a lack of a capacity to envision what's possible. In reality, nobodies pull off every day overcoming how they initially are perceived and treated.

The warm and fuzzy term for that is "The American Dream." Like Colson, it was in prison that Malcom X laundered his reputation. The transition was from street thug to respected leader.

Not getting results from your marketing communications? Complimentary consultation – janegenova374@gmail.com.

 

Lawyers - Predisposed to Fail Retirement

The toughest rite of passage among successful professionals is moving on to retirement. 

In her book "Retirement reinvention," Robin Ryan discusses how many are failing at that. That is, they can't put together a meaningful lifestyle after their career ends. Signs of the failure range from boredom to a sense of being irrelevant. 

Given the combination of the need for extreme cost efficiency and age bias, what we traditionally classify as a "career," is ending sooner and often abruptly. Jobs are quitting the older professional versus the professional deciding to hang it up. In denial of that reality, many simply haven't prepared for the transition.

The rawness of being thrown up against The Next is nothing new. As Don Draper from "Mad Men" brought out in his iconic Kodak slide show, teenagers mourn the loss of the identity of being a child. Few ever emerge from the years of formal education and glide smoothly into the very different context of work. 

Yet, the expectation is that the passage into a post-career part of a life should be almost an instinctual process. 

Instead it is being put out there for what could be 30 or 40 years without any guidance from the past. Today's retirees are generational pioneers. 

Some, after suffering greatly, are finding a path toward meaning - as well as the added income to make ends meet. The Federal Reserve documents that one-third of those who rode into the sunset have headed back into the workplace. The amazing thing is that they can accept the lower compensation and status of those jobs. 

Another experiment is radical relocation. It's not simply the move from pricey Manhattan to less expensive North Carolina. It's the willingness to start over again in Mexico or Ecuador. They are fleeing the "Cheers" phenomenon of everyone knowing their name. 

A third is training for another line of work. That can range from becoming certified as a substance abuse counselor to long-distance truck driver. Unlike the academic degree route, this way is fast and relatively cheap. 

And, a fourth is wild experimentation. In total openness, former comfort zones are fled. The introvert does the online dating. The extrovert takes a seminar in listening. Everything becomes possible.

The major obstacle to mastering this rite of passage is usually the aging themselves. They tend to shoot themselves in the foot. Here, free to download, is my book on taming the dark forces which keep human beings over-50 from grabbing out for a new kind of satisfaction.

Coaching, lecturing, and writing/ghostwriting thought leadership content on ageism.

 

For individual coaching – sliding scale fees. Complimentary initial consultation. The displaced over-50 get back to work. Please contact Jane Genova janegenova374@gmail.com.

 

The Career Wisdom of Becoming Guest of the State - Felicity Huffman et al.

For seasoned players in the branding game, a prison stay can kick off reputation restoration.

Examples of that range from jailbirds Watergate lawyer Chuck Colson to private school head Jean Harris.

So, Felicity Huffman could be making a public relations wrong move in trying to duck being a guest of the state. Instead of an all-out high profile campaign for no prison time (which ordinary people would turn on her for) she should request a stiff sentence. Immediately the career magic would begin blossoming again. The sound of her name will cast spells. 

A seemingly nice human being, Huffman could thrive in prison. One-on-one she could help fellow inmates with everything from advice (learned the hard way) about parenting to genius makeup tricks. On a macro level, she could launch a new program tutoring about transforming pain into game-changers. 

Upon release (probably with reduction of the sentence for good behavior) Huffman can start a foundation for mothers in prison. For the rest of her life she could be its chief fundraiser. Then her family can take over.

Prison time can be the unique opportunity to reconfigure career strategies. It took a stay behind bars for the Malcolm X to emerge. Previously, that unchanneled force of rage had been a street thug. 

Not getting results from your marketing communications? Complimentary consultation – janegenova374@gmail.com.

Alcoholics Anonymous - Despite Low Success Rate, Pop Culture, Courts Still Favor It

On a rerun of Dick Wolf's "FBI," the ninth step of Alcoholics Anonymous was a dominant meme. That's the amends step. Under the guidance of an AA sponsor the sober member struggles to clean up the wreckage of the past.

And, as defense lawyers know, many courts continue to offer mandatory attendance at AA meetings as an alternative to incarceration. Those accepting the option have their attendance varified at meetings through the leader's signing the "sheet."

Yet, it's been long known that, at the upper end, AA has a success rate of about 12%. In 2015, The Atlantic published what is now a classic on why AA had should have gone the way of the low-IQ phone. 

Yes, AA remains so there in American society. That is puzzling since our fast-paced business culture - and business is the religion of the U.S. - tends to ditch anachronistic models fast. Even the tradition-bound The New York Times had to jump aboard the digital train. What is keeping it in the black, at least for now, are digital subscriptions. 

The reality is that AA came into being in the 1930s. Back then, it was the only game in town which had any success in helping those who abused alcohol to stop that and stay stopped. In terms of science, little was known of the human brain and, more specifically, addiction.

Today, there are other modes of treatment. The most success seems to result from combining several. However, the relapse rate remains relatively high. Unfortunately, not enough is known about the human brain and addiction.

It could be said that those with compulsive mindsets and behaviors are still at the mercy of ignorance. Yet, pop culture and the legal system don't seem to get that. 

Reflection: Should AA carry a disclaimer: This may or may not work. Be willing to experiment with other models.

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Jeffrey Epstein - The Extreme Punishment of Mental Anguish

One meme floating around is that through death - suicide or homicide - Jeffrey Epstein escaped "justice." They define justice as having to go through the public ritual of a courtroom trial. Yeah, with all the cameras, tweeters, and long-form legal journalists. 

However, anyone who is steeped in the arts, has endured a reversal of fortune, and/or had been on the wrong side of the law knows that justice is positioned and packaged in myriad forms. Among the most severe ways it is delivered is through mental anguish. 

That's the theme of Fydor Dostoevsky's classic novel "Crime and Punishment." The murderer - Rodion Raskolnikov - lives in his head as he plans to off the pawn broker. And it's in his head that justice happens. How he suffers. 

Consider the psychic shift Epstein could have been saddled with after he had been charged with sex trafficking.

He could have emotionally journeyed from a wealthy power player to a human being who became powerless - including over his thoughts. Yeah, that "freight train" that roars through the human mind. Mindfulness currently is being embraced as a tool to lower that noise. 

In addition, Epstein lost control over his lifestyle. The Metropolitan Correctional Center in Manhattan was known to have been overtaken by the cockroaches.

Also, he had to fear for his life. Pedophiles are targeted when incarcerated and also he was the man who knew too much. Few buy the suicide theory. 

Those hoping for "justice" in the courtroom are naïve about the U.S. legal system. Top legal talent can game it. Those with the resources to hire those kinds of legal teams frequently have great hope about getting off the hook. The surprise was that former McKinsey head Rajat Gupta was convicted. In a sense punishment came in the old fashioned way of mental torment as well as a prison sentence for Gupta.  

Epstein got his. Now the alleged victims can file lawsuits to get theirs in the form of monetary compensation. So much of American justice is about being awarded money. 

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Suicide, The Social Disease - Struggling to Understand Nine NYPD Suicides in 2019

This evening in Queens, a 56-year-old police officer was the ninth in the NYPD to take his life in 2019. He had served the public for about 20 years. As yet, his name has not been released. 

Yesterday in the early morning, in Yonkers, Johnny Rios took his own life.

Both deaths were the result of self-inflicted gunshot wounds. 

As the NYPD struggles with this suicide crisis, those of us who have had suicides occur in our background understand that the mindset to solve problems by suicide might be contagious.

Johns Hopkins professor Kay Jamison discusses this theory in her iconic book on suicide "Night Falls Fast." Jamison herself made a serious attempt at suicide. When she outed herself in the healthcare community, many were critical of her. Interesting how even those in the supposed helping professions can't emotionally or socially handle suicide. 

If those in our lives have taken that irreversible step, the act no longer seems unthinkable - at least, not to us. In addition, we also recognize our own vulnerability to figure we can manage things "efficiently" in that manner. 

Several members on the Eastern European side of my family chose to not go on living. Intuitively, I got how darkly they had viewed life on planet earth. I sensed they had lost their hold on the possibility that they could change what was. That feeling was not totally foreign to me.

When I was an unhinged freshman in a Pennsylvania college away from my hometown, I had heard that a former high school classmate had hung himself. It was in his college dorm in Manhattan. So many were shocked. I wasn't.

Maybe I carry a family suicide gene. I felt enormous empathy for him. My hunch is that he had a same-sex encounter and in 1963 that was tough to absorb. In addition, I did wonder how much longer I "could take it" in my current situation at my college.  Suicide was not entirely ruled out. 

Researchers such as Marco Iacoboni document that we are social beings. We influence each other cell by cell. What facilitates that are our "mirror neurons." 

Those who need to be distracted from suicidal ideation have to find positive folks to hang around with. Sure, they have problems - maybe a lot of them. But they are determined to survive and maybe even thrive. 

In my emotional support group, I picked up a weird vibration from a millennial who seemed to have everything going her way. I distanced myself. No, I wasn't surprised to hear at a meeting that she had committed suicide. 

Those who care about anyone stuck in darkness have to nudge him or her into a hope zone. 

This blog passes on positive thoughts to the families, friends, and colleagues of the nine officers who made the decision to end their lives. 

Lawyers More Lonely Than Other Professionals - 5 Tactics Back into Friendship Loop (but all slow)

The lack of common ground isn't just in politics in America.

In more and more aspects of life there also is less and less common space.

That's what Matthew Walther observes in his article on loneliness in The Week. That puts the odds against finding other human beings we can become friends with. The crisis of loneliness deepens.

The ABA reports that 61% of lawyers placed higher than average on the loneliness scale. And, lawyers are more lonely than those in other professions.

But, that can't all be accounted for by the emotional hardening that goes along with practicing law and pushing to develop new business. Those just starting on in their lives are also caught in the loneliness web. According to YouGov, 30% of U.S. millennials say they are lonely and 20% contend they have no friends.

What it's come to, notes Walther, is that we "pretend pets are people." (Should law firms have dogs roaming the corridors and assign who will walk the canines on what days and what hours?)

So, let's look at what used to be common space and is no more. Here are 5 examples I find useful to focus on and why they have disappeared:

•  Home. Walther hammers that raising a family is no longer affordable. Those connections have gone the way of the low-IQ phone. More of us live alone. But, sure, it had been possible to make friends even when single. Remember how Mary Richards and Rhoda, both in their own apartments, developed a deep relationship. Now, after all the stress from the whatever, we singles are not reaching out. Meanwhile, we are trapped in an i-world of messaging, movies, and games. 
• College. Forget it. As Yale professor Deresiewicz captures in "Excellent Sheep," higher education, especially at the top of the food chain, has become a competitive arena for high grades. Chasing after them makes the time-consuming process of developing friendships unlikely. Also, the postings of all the other students on Instagram are a source of feeling less-than. Best to steer clear of the whole people thing. 
•  Work. Who isn't after our job? And there are simply many more rats eager to gain favor with superiors by carrying tales about us. Maybe this saga is true, maybe it isn't. In northeast Ohio a millennial claims the reason she was fired was because she confided in a co-worker her battle with clinical depression and anxiety.
•  The store. No one goes there any more, not even for groceries, which are delivered.
•  Church. Gallup documents that membership in a religious organization is down to 50%. From 1937 through the late 1970s it was at 70+%.  

However, if we are determined not to be so so lonely, we can explore where common space can be. Here is what I have discovered is promising during the 63 months I have struggled to find companionship since I uprooted from the New York Metro area:

•  Gyms. Both those stand-alone ones and the in-house fitness centers in residential complexes are wide open to socializing. If we are cautious and don't push too hard too soon to move the gymbuddyness to the next level we could wind up with a few people to talk with. 
•  Recovery meetings. The friendship, or as it is called the "fellowship," is the key driver in attending regularly.  It's like the good old days, with folks inviting us to go out for coffee or have fun at pig roasts by the lake.
•  Wellness groups, ranging from yoga to meditation. People feel they are doing the right thing and are more receptive to welcome those also pursuing healthy goals.
• Pet parks. I have witnessed romances blossom as the canines tend to bring people together. Here a tail wags, there a tail wags. Soon we are not alone. 
•  Goodwill and consignment stores. Traditional retail is out. But hunting in-person for steep bargains has become a national hobby. In that space it's easy to get conversations going which often move on to human beings sharing their stories. This is suitable for law students and seniors in college waiting to hear back from the law schools they applied to. 

However, even with these tactics, expect a slow journey to being back in a friendship loop. Interacting is, well, counter-trend. The trend is i-immersion., along with extreme work. Name one very successful lawyer you know who emerges from the I-world and legal tasks and opens himself or herself to in-person human interaction with peers. The client/prospect stuff is a whole different matter, of course.

Reflection: Friendship requires effort. Being a lawyer might just leave no energy over for that sort of thing. 

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Political Dynasties - Hard Journey Time-Traveling

For a brief moment in the media, two political dynasties dominated again.

There were the many members of the Kennedy clan attending the funeral of John F. Kennedy's great niece Saoirse, age 22. 

There were also the remaining members of the George H. W. Bush dynasty celebrating the birth of a grandson.

But, obviously, the shelf life of former political dynasties is getting shorter. The camera didn't pan long on either group. Soon enough, some November the media won't reflect on that sunny day in Dallas, Texas when JFK was assassinated. 

Politics has become a faster moving game.

That main show today was the Trump family.

Current U.S. president Donald Trump and by extension all the second-generation Trumps were in a pickle. The fatal weekend massacres were blamed by some on his values and rhetoric. In addition, the stock market, which Trump had been gushing about, reached a low point of 900+ points down. It did close a bit up from that but not enough to take the heat off the Trump family.

So, the issue is in play if there will be a Trump dynasty? Or will Trump, like Jimmy Carter, be a one-term president, forever on the defensive about his four years in the White House? If the latter, then all those associated with the Trump Administration, including family, will become yesterday's people.

The Kennedys looked quite weathered. And, despite Jenna's career with "Today," the Bushes seemed like they had had a hard journey time-traveling.

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