Law And More

Aging and Being a Pet Parent - One for the Lawyers

We are living longer. The expected average life span is currently at 78.93 years. And many of us have found sharing our lives with domestic animals the secret sauce of happiness. That joy is even greater if we had adopted that companion from a shelter.

But, the elephant in the room on that one is the question: Is it downright "reckless" to take a new animal companion into our lives if we are moving toward what the experts project to be the end of our years on planet earth? 

The answer is: That depends.

In itself, adopting an animal companion in our late 60s and 70s or even going to a breeder for a puppy is a neutral act. The key variables kick in according to our circumstances. 

At the top of the list is if there are trusted others in the loop who agree to take custody of the pet when we die. Ideally, that should be put in a legal document. Funds should also be provided for how many years the animal might live. BetterPet reports that the monthly cost of maintaining a dog ranges between $150 and $300. The expense over its lifetime could reach $15,000.

Another factor is if the animal has psychiatric challenges. For example, one with an anxiety disorder will suffer emotionally after we are gone from its life. Therefore, that's not the kind of pet to adopt if we are in the late 60s or 70s. 

A third factor is our own health. If we are beginning to experience mobility problems, for example, the animal might not receive the exercise it requires for top physical and emotional health. Sure, we observe the disabled on their motor scooters with their dogs on a leash. But is that kind of "walk" shortchanging the animal?

There are good options to adoption. One is being a foster animal parent. Find out more about that at the local shelters and humane organizations. Another is to volunteer at the shelter. Dogs need to be walked. Cats need personal handling. A third is to contribute funds. A fourth is to include an animal cause in our estate planning. 

Next stop: Consult with our lawyers.

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Animal Companions in Time of COVID/When Aging - Lawyers May Be Our Only Hope (but, that's not foolproof)

Who will take care of the dog? That is, if any of us becomes infected with COVID-19? The need for care could be temporary and we will recover. Or it could be long-term, if we don't recover.

That concern is palpable among healthcare workers, notes Dr. Sara Hebab in USA Today. Yes, their soul-wrenching angst is about that their dogs have loving caretakers.  

That preoccupation isn't new, of course. As we age and family members/close friends die or become alienated we can loose sleep about our pets, ranging from dogs to ferrets.

Sure, we can put something in our wills about their care. But by time the lawyer is located the pets can be whisked away by whoever or whatever finds our body. You bet, paste the will in a prominent site in a residence. Carry a dup with you when traveling.

That's exactly why an ethical concern for those without family who are aging is: Should we take a new animal companion into our lives? Even with family, those pets might not have a soft landing. Repeatedly I have witnessed the death of peers. Supposedly a significant other or acquaintance was to take responsibility for the pet. All too often, the animal wound up in a shelter. In one senior citizen complex, the dog or cat was often just put out on the street, to struggle to survive. Usually they lacked those survival skills.

Having an animal as a companion involves detailed planning - usually bringing a lawyer into the loop - about its fate after our deaths.

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Kroger Pharma - Unacceptable

Since early June 2020 Enalpril Maleate 2.5 MG has been keeping my best (four-legged) friend LOV alive. He has congestive heart failure. According to information lifted from the Internet, maintained on that med, he has 4 to 14 months of life left. 

Already he had moved into the 5th month. So, given that he could die at any time, I refill the med when the bottle is almost empty. After all, my health insurance doesn't cover it. So, why pay if it will be tossed? 

Late last week I called into Kroger Pharmacy for that refill. The transaction was all processed by automation. The machine told me the prescription would be ready for pickup on Saturday, after 2 P.M. 

I swung by Kroger today - Sunday - for that pick-up.

At the window there was stalling. Several times I had to repeat the information. (Maybe this grocery chain should train staff in listening skills). Then, the bombshell. "They" were out of the med. I went bug-eyed. "But this is for my dog's heart."

The "they" said they would reorder it.

"The dog needs that pill!"

It was left to me to ask when would it come in.

I was informed tomorrow. Believe me, I am not banking on it.

My extreme concern is two-fold:

• Why did "they" not keep in stock a med for the heart?
• Why did "they" not inform me that it was out-of-stock. If they had, I could have called around to other pharmacies where it might have been in stock.

I ask not only animal-rights front lines to investigate Kroger Pharma.

Also, those providing Medicare Supplemental Insurance, such as AARP, should also revisit having Kroger Pharma on its list of approved providers. Had it not been I would never have had my four-footed son's prescription filled there. It seemed more convenient to have all my prescriptions taken care in one place. 

Kroger Pharma and Kroger Grocery - a pox on both your houses. Recently, the grocery wing ran out of those cards necessary to present for the in-store discounts. I had to beg others waiting to be checked-out if I could use their card. Those savings are significant.

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"Motherhood Penalty" - COVID-19 Broadens Its Scope, Documents McKinsey/LeanIn

"The events of 2020 have turned workplaces upside down. Companies risk losing women at all levels of management—but they also have an
opportunity to build a better workplace." - From "Women in the Workplace 2020," a study by McKinsey and LeanIn.org.

Day after day, more and more women are leaving the workforce, documents The Boston Globe. Or, as The Wall Street Journal reports mothers are cutting back on their availability and hours in ways that will limit their career paths, probably permanently. 

The McKinsey/LeanIn research provides statistics showcasing that what might have been thought of as the "Motherhood Penalty" is growing exponentially in COVID-19 time. For instance, 20% are considering leaving the workforce and 15% are toying with downsizing the intensity of their professional life.

The reasons are obvious to anyone following the media. Most children are still at home instead of in-person at school. They are learning virtually. Because of social distancing other activities are curtailed. There's not likely to be a chance for mom and the kids to get out of the house and pile into the cinema for a Disney movie.

There is also the issue of those children, including infants, being overheard on conference calls and Zoom meetings. The cute factor got old fast. Business was always a matter demanding total concentration. That's only increased because of the economic fallout from COVID-19. Some females contend they were terminated because of that background noise.

Although I don't have children, their all-day playing activities outside my apartment window drifted into the phone. Clients didn't like it. It was challenging to concentrate. 

The property manager at Maple Creek Apartments, Toledo, Ohio, couldn't do much about it. The best was to ask the children to stay away from the window. But, no newsflash, they drifted right back. Screaming.

You bet, I "had to move" to where the outside didn't penetrate the windows and walls. That was expensive and disruptive. Also, I don't know if it had been because I continually requested some children at Maple Creek Apartments (they were grandchildren who didn't even live there) to modulate their voices and made enemies in the process - but my vehicle was vandalized. There's a time to hold. And a time to fold. I folded.

In addition to the children-not home alone reality, most employers and clients are demanding more. According to the McKinsey/LeanIn research, 10% of even childless women and men might step away from the workforce because of burnout. One of my clients is on the fence about early retirement. "I don't want to work," he first said. Then, he added, "I don't know if I can work.

The "Motherhood Penalty" is, of course, not new.

When women with academic degrees from high-powered schools first entered Corporate America, the message was clear: Women without caretaking obligations preferred. No surprise, I was hired for just about every position I applied for. A plus was that I was (and am) single, therefore the only source of income. Capitalism loves that.

On the other hand, mothers, even those not focused on upward mobility, usually went through the wringer. At an auto corporation, a contract worker who obtained permission for a special schedule (she had a disabled child) felt the tension when she left at 4 P.M. versus doing face time until 9 P.M. Yes, she was a contract worker, not permanent full-time with benefits. The Protestant Ethic spares no one.

Also, of course, internally in organizations and through outside think tanks, women's associations and the legal system there have been initiatives to reduce and eventually eliminate the "Motherhood Penalty." The McKinsey/LeanIn study proposes solutions.

Meanwhile, a significant number of women are pulling back from becoming pregnant. Too many workplace settings have become unforgiving of childcare demands. Brookings predicts a baby bust next year. There could be 300,000 to 500,000 fewer births. 

There also could be surge of lawsuits triggered by terminations which women claim were related to their being mothers. Some of those could propose to be class-action complaints. Law firms such Sanford Heisler will likely be very busy as result of this and other kinds of employment litigation associated with COVID-19.

But, litigation is a slow-moving process. By time there is a settlement or jury verdict, those families might have had to file bankruptcy. The more probable scenario is unwelcome compromise. That might take the form of accepting  a job or gig-economy arrangement that pays less, has little professional runway and carries no status.

The brutal reality was and continues to be that women who choose motherhood are in for extra layers of extreme stress.

The exceptions are those with sophisticated, reliable daycare.

One of my clients in Greenwich, Connecticut had a nanny for each of the three children.

Another in Westchester County, New York had a sleep-in nanny. That ensured she could almost be guaranteed uninterrupted sleep every night. 

In contrast, a neighbor who has a full-time job and who has recently been granted custody of her two young grandchildren looks mighty frazzled.

Reflection: The irony is that the childless among us, for decades, were treated in general society as second-class citizens. Never was it factored in that some of us got it that we couldn't handle both a profession and a two-footer family. My family life has consisted of four-footer rescues.

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John Tobin, 57 - Loss of Job and Family Dog

The hold on what is considered "normality" is fragile.

It may be even more so in upper class communities such as Shaker Heights, Ohio. In those what is classified as standard involves a hefty and sustained investment of money, beautiful homes, good jobs and well-educated children.

Given that, it's amazing that there aren't more tragic sagas like that of John Tobin, 57.

According to Law & Crime, Tobin had sent an email to his father. In it he instructed his father to call the police. The key was under the doormat. When the police arrived they found four dead bodies. They included John, his wife Regina, and his 15-year-old twin children Natalie and Graham. The deaths of the latter three have been considered homicides. John's death hasn't been classified as yet.

John was no longer employed at University Hospitals. He had been Vice President for Development in the Harrington Discovery Institute. In addition, the family dog had died.

John's father perceived him as depressed. As he should have been. Those had been two significant losses. John probably needed plenty of resources to help him navigate after two rugs had been pulled from under him.

But what happens too frequently when there is loss, be it a job, a death, a divorce, foreclosure, whatever, is the mandate that the human being be "resilient." Since Puritan times that has been the national meme. Sure, things are awful but you will be resilient. Incidentally, that gets society off the hook from parachuting in with myriad kinds of help.

Only recently is the resilience mythology being exposed. The New York Times ran a major piece on the cruelty of that assumption that human beings are wired to withstand every kind of blow. 

I don't know anything about John. But I do know through my career coaching other men and women who have lost good jobs. When I asked them the core question - What story are you telling yourself about this loss - there was one universal answer. Their self-talk was riddled with self-blame. Even if they had been over the top in self-destructiveness (and no one had been) it still didn't occur to them that it takes two to tango. Tragedy rarely if ever has one primary mover. 

The tragedy of the Tobin family symbolizes the lack of an emotional, financial, social and spiritual infrastructure in current American society for processing loss.

In the old days in the old neighborhood (think pre-gentrified Downtown Jersey City, New Jersey) when someone lost a job, neighbors, relatives and the church pushed in. They stayed, until the human being landed work. There was no ambiguity. That was a tragedy. Meanwhile, the rent got paid for the walk-up tenement apartment. The tuition for Catholic school got paid. Hand-me-down clothes glutted the living room. No meal was missed.

Sex-Robot Law: New Niche for Law Firms (also, divorce practices can be in big trouble)

Artificial intelligence (AI) has advanced to the point that the "perfect" (at least in the eye of the beholder) sex robots are being produced. That includes sensors to generate body warmth, attributes such as human-like genitals, simulated extreme-pleasure climaxes and programming memories to store preferences.

Daily Star reports that users are quite satisfied with this growing form of "companionship." Jenny Kleeman chronicles those experiences in her book "Sex Robots and Vegan Meat." Published last month, it ranks 13,545 on Amazon.

The odds are they can have a standard role in the lives of all human beings. Yes both genders.  Here are 6 reasons why: 

Human sexual partners experiencing dysfunction can get to the root of their obstacles by "working" with a robot. That eliminates the ethical situations which can arise with the use of surrogates. Also, jealousy might be bypassed.

But don't count on it. Robots can create their own kinds of emotional messes in human connections. 

Avoids the complexities of human relationships. Not only is it tough to navigate a romance. After all, human beings are intricate. Also they are masters of subterfuge. It might be years or never before you discover whom you have been sharing yourself with.

Increasingly, in fact, folks are admitting that maybe just maybe human beings are totally unknowable. That's a theme in Scott Turow's most recent book "The Last Trial."  In it, the defense lawyer recognizes he really never knew who his lifetime friend, now his client, was all about as a person. In addition, he gets it that marriage is an enigma, probably even to the two parties in it. 

Provides whatever, on demand. That goes beyond sex. Just as we talk out things with our pets whenever and wherever we need to, we can depend on our robot lover as a listening post. And without judgment.

The boss chewed us out - unfairly, we are convinced. The robot accepts our side of the story. And, later, the robot won't bring up this humiliation.

There is that old adage: Do we even have one supposed friend whom we can call at 2 o'clock in the morning? Yes, we can answer. We have our AI buddy.  

Prevents disease. Trust can be low in a human sexual relationship. Do you really believe your partner hasn't had unprotected sex with others?

So many STDs can be eliminated. Probably COVID-19, too. 

The relationship doesn't wind up in divorce court. Divorce is expensive. Not only are there lawyer costs. There could be long-term alimony. Endgadget reports that Abyss Creations' RealDoll retails for between $8k and $10k. As with all technology, the price will come down. 

And, yes, it's possible to develop deep connections with inanimate objects. Women migh recall their bond with their dolls, males with their mechanical contraptions. 

There is that real-life story of customer service robot Fabio who had been fired from a supermarket in Scotland. On his way out the door after being sacked, co-workers cried. 

But there are pitfalls.

Those include the possibility that it will be difficult to relate to actual humans. Already, digital has, it is claimed, reduced the quality of human connections.

Empathy, already in danger, can disappear as a human trait. Making a human relationship work requires empathy. 

In addition, laws have to be developed for regulating the robot-human bonding. For instance, will marriage be permitted with a robot? If the relationship sours, will there be federal and state disposal policies and procedures for the cast-off mate? Who could bear spotting a sex robot in the dumpster? Do robot "owners" have to pay rent, as they do for pets, for the AI creature to reside in their apartments? And will robot abuse be a crime?

No surprise, during COVID-19 time of social distancing, the sex robot is in demand. Supplier Sex Doll Genie can't replenish its inventory fast enough. Should there be a second round of the virus, healthcare experts might recommend pairing up with a sex robot. Will Medicare pop for that purchase for the elderly?

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Clear Thinking, Don't Know: In the Time of COVID-19

The New York Times is blunt: What was put out there to manage or just create the illusion of managing COVID-19 hasn't been effective.

More than four months into the pandemic in the U.S., the virus retains total control.

Those efforts could go down in history as The Folly of 2020.

The slogans, the pressers, and the platitudes could symbolize the ultimate in human hubris, that is, arrogance. Along with that is a side show of Machiavellian public relations.

Yes, it's a brutal play-out of Humans plan, the Gods laugh.

But, planning must be done. Even as it's announced, though, now-cynical constituencies roll their eyes. Yeah, sure, goes the mindset. 

The University of Michigan, which is currently classified as part of the Ivy League, announced on June 22nd that for fall it will conduct a hybrid: some in-person instruction, some remote. That entails significant risk. COVID-19, which has hit that state of MI hard, could return for an even worse hit. 

In contrast, much of Harvard University, including the Law School, will go total remote. That also entails risk since, for example, Harvard Law School will still bill its usual tuition. Come fall semester, students finding the remote courses subpar could sue, just as they already have.

The lawsuit is "Barkhordar v. Harvard University." 

Note, filed by a Harvard law student, it designates as a defendant the entire university. 

The cruel joke being played by COVID-19 on America, of course, extends way beyond higher education. Government leaders, economists, stock market experts, employers, career coaches, and philanthropists should stop pretending that they know what they are doing. They don't. 

Moreover, what will be increasingly obvious is that, no, we are not all in this together. It will be individuals and families who are evicted from apartments for not paying the rent and from their homes for running out ways to hold off foreclosure. Essentially, they will be on their own. In the best case scenarios, relatives, friends, or shelters can take them in. In the worst, we all know that ...

No, some will not, as the platitude promises, get through this. Way back in May, The Washington Post discussed the uptick in suicides, overdoses, and old-line clinical depression and anxiety.

The normal events of a life, such as a my best four-legged friend being diagnosed with congestive heart failure, become much more difficult to emotionally absorb. Although this isn't the first time I am experiencing this, this time I feel undone. The space in my life without LOV seems not able to be filled. I hear the symptomatic cough of congestive heart failure and I step into a form of catatonia. 

Yes, it's all that bad.

Informally (without all the official fanfare) there should be a Day of National Humility.

We humans have to embrace our extreme cluelessness, overall and during this pandemic.

On that day on National Humility, there can be presentations of how throughout civilization the artists have captured that myopia. In itself, it can resurrect respect for the liberal arts.

From Hamlet in the rotten state of Denmark to Jay Gatsby in Long Island, human beings assumed they knew what they doing. That illusion was fatal.

Then there were those who do make it through to a normal, routine death, along the way enjoying a fulfilling life. Among them has been Virginia Woolf's character Mrs. Ramsay in the book "To the Lighthouse."

Incidentally, the mantra for one school of zen, as practiced by the New Haven, Connecticut Zen Center, is: Clear Thinking, Don't Know.

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Capitalism Doesn't Have to Be Raw (or max profits) - My and LOV's Story

It's like a "store" in the old neighborhood.

That's the ethos of Lewis Animal Hospital, Toledo, Ohio (5104 Lewis Avenue, Toledo, Ohio, 419-476-9106).

There is that end-to-end caring which was part of doing business in downtown Jersey City, New Jersey, in the 1950s. We kids got a slice of cheese from the butcher. The owner of the mechanic shop helped dig out our fathers' cars in the snow - no charge. 

Yesterday in Toledo, the temperature was 90+ degrees. So for the appointment to Lewis Animal Hospital I brought along a bottle of water and a little dish to pour it in. That was to be for my 12-year four-legger LOV. But I didn't need to go through all that preparation. There, right inside the door of Lewis Animal Hospital were two cute bowls with water. 

The receptionist actually listened to what I said. Part of that was thanking her for giving me the appointment. I could have waited weeks, given all the pent-up demand for vet services. But when I explained on the phone that LOV was coughing (red flag for congestive heart failure) she pulled me to the front of the line. Every day before that appointment, in the afternoon I would look at LOV. He would look at me. And, I cried. He was slipping away, I sensed.

Once LOV and I were in an examining room, I gently placed him on the soft blue blanket just laid out. That's the term to describe the ambiance there: soft.

Dr. Tim Mason listened to me. Then he listened to LOV's heart. Not good. He explained the options, with tenderness but realism.

With medication, LOV could make it through a few months or even a few years. He also noted that in France the doctors had done a dog valve replacement. The fee for that had been $23,000. We laughed. He got it that I passed on that option.

Just as in the old neighborhood where the store owners lived among us, not in some newly constructed suburb, there was no raw capitalism. No assumption that profit had to be maxed.

Instead of structuring LOV's treatment as a constant series of office visits, Dr. Mason told me that he could call in the medication refills at a human pharmacy near me. What a stunner. The mission of the Lewis Animal Hospital is to help animals (and their pet parents), not create enormous wealth for the owners.

This morning, after his first dose of medication last evening, LOV seems a bit better. There is less coughing and it doesn't seem to be coming from his soul. 

But, here is what is equally important. For the first time in a long time I feel "safe" doing business with someone I have to do business with. There was no hustle. No upselling. No locked-in ongoing expensive treatment.

On Listserv Nextdoor, there are frequent requests for referrals to vets in the Toledo Metro area who are both good and are affordable. You bet, I will tell my Lewis Animal Hospital story over and over again.

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The Third Rail of Socioeconomic Differences: Growing Up with Roaches

Tears flowed today.

The world attended the George Floyd Memorial. Some did that in-person in Minneapolis. Others through the extensive coverage on sophisticated media such as PBS.

Among the speakers was political activist Al Sharpton. His message cut through socioeconomic differences - not just racial bias. He used the metaphor of cockroaches to describe his mission of tracking down what thrives in darkness. 

Only those of us who grew up in urban areas, most of them poverty-ridden before gentrification, emotionally bonded with that metaphor. As Sharpton pointed out, the entitled Hollywood types could never identify what it was to share one's living space with roaches.

In roach-infested tenements like mine in Jersey City, New Jersey, there was always the fear that one of the would piggyback on our school clothes into the classroom. The bullies would have a field day mocking the unfortunate kid. Vividly, I remember one little girl who had a roach on her First Communion veil. Somehow I can't imagine she ever recovered from that public trauma. 

Food not locked in the refrigerator had to be kept in tightly locked jars. Meals required total alertness, with frequent visual scans, to prevent roaches from joining in. The DIY extermination rituals didn't work for long. 

Floyd was one of us - the roach people. From the get-go, we had to fight to maintain any sense of human dignity. Of course, cockroaches undermined that.

No, that was not the situation only for people of color. My immigrant Italian family, not exactly pale WASPS, experienced disrespect just about everywhere. No surprise the meme of respect dominates the iconic film "The Godfather."

In crying for Floyd we the roach people also cried for what we had endured. Often I wondered if I wouldn't have wound up hating myself if my ancestors remained in Italy.

The ability to love myself came through years of recusing abused animals. We connect with animals via our minds. Theirs chronicled lots of four-legged versions of roach stories. They also sent me constant messages that I was a good person. In addition, a force for good.

George Floyd, like Jesus Christ, died for all of us. May his legacy, as with Christianity, bring love and hope to humanity.

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Amy Cooper - NYPD + Manhattan DA Office Investigating If Laws Were Broken

Amy Cooper lost her big job at Franklin Templeton.

She returned to the rescue shelter the dog she had adopted.

She is receiving death threats.

Now this.

The New York Post reports that the NYPD and Manhattan District Attorney's office are investigating if a law had been broken during that infamous call to the police about an alleged threat to her life by a black man. 

That could fall into the category or "false call" or "falsely accusing someone."

If they have enough law on their side to determine that, then Cooper could be arrested. That ordeal would be not only emotionally draining. It would cost her a good buck for a lawyer. If she takes a plea or is convicted, she would have a record. Good luck landing another good job. 

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