Law And More

The Pamela Smart Saga - Gregg Smart Had Been Only Adult in the Loop

So much adolescent passion.

That ranged from puppy love to music addiction. 

Essentially that seemed to be what dominated the Pamela Smart saga. And, it blew up in the murder of who was the only adult involved - Gregg Smart. He had grown out of being a rocker, cut his hair, and threw himself into the grown-up job of being an insurance agent.

Pamela, who had worked three jobs in college and had graduated in three years, hadn't had the opportunity to grow up. When she headed media at a school, she drifted toward socializing with the teenage students. That's where she was emotionally. At home she had not welcomed her husband's hair cut. 

Last night, ABC broadcasted a two-hour special on Pamela - "Broken Vows." The objective seemed to be advocacy. Media has the power to get the right attention for issues. 

Pamela's sentence had been life in prison without the possibility of parole. The teenage boys who actually had been part of the the murder had been able to cut a deal. Already they were out of prison.   

The one-time Barbie doll had not aged well. Also she was not convincing in the ABC interviewing when declaring her innocence. Along the way, no one seemed to have coached her how to engage.

Her persona was harsh.

There was no sign of compassion for Gregg.

And she was incapable of getting it that her relationship with those school teenagers had been so destructive. 

Given how poorly she presented herself, this broadcast might have hurt her, not helped her. 

What was particularly interesting about "Broken Vows" was that the broadcast  took viewers down memory road. The Smart trial was among the first which allowed cameras in the courtroom. The public followed the steamy details of illicit love like a soap opera.

Center stage had been this cute high school staffer who showed up in court with a prim and proper outfit and a bow in her hair. But the defining moment in the trial were the "pin-up" photos of her in a bikini, draped over a bed. 

In addition, a poignant one occurred during testimony. As Gregg was being attacked, his concern was for his dog. That detail could undercut any sympathy for Pamela. The dog always steals the show. She might wind up dying in prison. 

Smart global ghostwriting, with niche social networking know-how. Also communications coaching. Emergencies welcome. Complimentary consultation (pressure-free) janegenova374@gmail.com.

The Legal Sector & Wellness - 8 Alternates to Therapy In Boston and Around the World

Boston, the city of psychotherapists, is still stuck with the stigma against this formal mode of treatment for emotional distress and more.

In Boston Magazine, Tessa Yannone covers that.

That's unfortunate.

The Boston Metro area is also the setting for a top law school - Harvard. Throughout the student body of Harvard Law School, a recent survey documented, is essentially an epidemic of anxiety, depression, inability to get restful sleep, and excessive drinking.

In addition, the region houses successful legal practices. You can land a plum position in Boston or surrounding cities and suburbs.

Having on your "record" that you have been in psychotherapy can prove to be a flaming hoop you will have to jump through in order to be admitted to a state bar. There are initiatives against that but, currently, that's the way it is in too many states. 

In addition, although studies prove out that psychotherapy is effective, that doesn't mean it will be for you. There are so many variables at play.

I don't know if my three years of therapy, multiple times a week, and later on an intermittent basis with David W. Harder, Ph.D., based in Lincoln, Massachusetts, were or were not effective. Reconstructing the past is tricky business.

What I do know is that from the get-go, I should have demanded to have access to what he was putting in the clinical records. When I finally had a lawyer obtain those records I concluded, by the tone and content, we were not a good fit.

In therapy, as in just about every other aspect of life and work, fit is everything. If your insurance coverage involves managed care, you may have limited or no choice on the therapist you will be working with. You may or may not be able to interview, on a complimentary basis, several. 

Also, there's the cost of therapy. In law school, that could be absorbed in other prepaid fees. Once sprung into the real world of work, if your employer kicks in for your health insurance, the co-pay can eat into a budget. There even could be double-dipping. There could be a co-pay for the psychiatrist who's prescribing medication and also for the psychotherapist. No health insurance? A session could run three digits.

The good news is that there are no-cost or low-cost alternates to therapy. That doesn't mean they are appropriate for you at whatever phase of emotional distress you are at. If you feel you are becoming undone, those in the mental health field worth their salt mandate: Call 911.

But, if you have a hunch you can try other ways to navigate the whatevers, here are 8 tips.

Free, 24/7 confidential hotlines. Several of my clients who had lost jobs in the legal sector obtained immediate relief - and hope - by speaking with the trained human beings at the other end of the phone line at The Samaritans. In the U.S. the number is 212-673-3000. No, you don't have to be suicidal to contact those capable of deep listening. Sensing you are going through emotional distress is enough. Just let them know that's how you are feeling. Globally, through Befrienders Wordwide, there is also help.

Meditation. Research and experience indicate this is a useful way to calm the "monkey mind." Here is a free online video introduction to the basics by American Buddhist nun Pema Chodron. While meditating in a group can seem to increase its impact, there is no reason why a daily practice can't be done alone - any where - multiple times a day. Yes, before pitching to a key prospect, meditate. 

Exercise. Working out isn't just for body contours and a healthy heart. It's a natural remedy for clinical depression and anxiety. The trick is to incorporate it into a daily routine. Do that and the body will hunger for that kind of ritual.

A trusted friend 0r Fido. Those in the mental health field who understand healing will tell you that a close friend who knows how to listen and to maintain confidentiality can be SuperTherapist. The edge that person has is knowing what you're about. Other options can be the sponsor in a 12-step program, a stranger on the seat next to you during a plane flight/Amtrak trip, or your dog. Regarding the latter, because the four-leggers in your life are empathetic and non-judgmental, they can provide solid platforms back to hope.

Herbs et al. Bless the internet. You no longer need to purchase a book on what non-prescription substances can be effective. Here, for example, is a run-down of them. Some contend any effectiveness results from the placebo effect. The attitude of those who receive relief smirk and respond, "Bring it on." All forms of mental distress cause pain. Whatever reduces that could be worth experimenting with. Many of the natural treatments do not have the possible severe side effects of a number of prescription remedies.

Spirituality. Very different from formal kinds of religion, spirituality essentially entails a surrender to some force greater than yourself. That takes the burden off you for controlling every aspect of your life and work. You can get out of the driver's seat. No longer do you have to be hyperalert and compulsively focused on goals. Incidentally, this kind of "turning over" is the core of the Alcoholics Anonymous approach to sobriety. The joke there is: Being in charge of the universe is a big job and we're not getting paid for it. 

Psychics. Those with the powers to "read" a suffering human being are being embraced as the new therapists. Lawyers, listen up: To protect themselves from  lawsuits, most post the disclaimer that their services are for entertainment only. However, there is usually extreme earnestness in the encounters between them and those who reach out to them in-person, by phone, or through email. Their methodologies range from pure intuition to tarot cards to crystals. As with myriad other services, this field has its share of cons. It's necessary to ask around for a "legit." 

Coaches. More and more professionals are simply hiring coaches instead of interviewing therapists. Coaches are usually specialized. Those niches range from overall life to career. Most will provide short complimentary sessions for you to check out the chemistry. Since there is no stigma, this could be what to try first. Over the holidays, an underemployed 63-year-old lawyer came to me for help with getting more work. What we decided was her immediate need was for a life coach. 

What's labeled as "mental illness" could simply mean hitting the mid point of the continuum of stress. You could be heading toward impairment of the ability to function. So, if you perceive yourself as gravitating out of what's today's norm for stress, take action. That could be the now-traditional way of finding out what kind of therapy your medical insurance covers to lighting a candle and turning over your will to something bigger than you. Should you sense you are in crisis, call 911.

Coaching, lecturing, and writing/ghostwriting thought leadership content on human resources and careers.

For individual coaching – sliding scale fees. Complimentary initial consultation. The special area of expertise is the displaced over-50 professional. Please contact Jane Genova janegenova374@gmail.com.

 

From Beth Holloway Back to Fred Goldman - Great Crime Media Stories, But Questionable Life Lessons

Last night on ABC, "20/20" presented a well-done two-hour special on how Beth Holloway has been managing the disappearance of daughter Natalee. 

Like Fred Goldman's loss of his son Ron, the story is archetypal, going way back to the bible.

In "Genesis," Adam and Eve lose son Able to murder. 

And since the beginning of civilization when mankind developed the tools to tell stories, that of parents' losing a child has been an engaging one. More recently, in media times, journalists run with it and it becomes the gift that keeps giving.

However, what lessons do we learn from the continual re-telling of the unthinkable crime: a child vanishes and is assumed dead or is found brutally murdered? 

Her search for answers might have helped Beth.

On the other hand, it might be a point of blockage for creating a new kind of life, one without her daughter. Should members of the media provide the platform for revisiting that?

Fred's sustained agitation doesn't seem reassuring to the many of us out there who also experienced a murder in the family. Or, related to that kind of loss, suicide. Yet, Fred continually resurfaces in the media.

Rather than producing these formulaic templates of crime and obsession which might generate high ratings, journalists might review what they are doing. Out there are many other kinds of sagas.

Those include examples of tragic loss and lessons learned. In fact, that is the format of the speaker meetings at recovery programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous. Those, incidentally, are authentically inspiring. That is, they can motivate the suffering to change how they are living their lives.

Admittedly, as education experts know: There is such an essence as "negative learning." Those lessons provide instruction on what not to do. While experiencing the "20/20" special last night, some of us might have gotten it: Hey, that's no way to embrace how life all too often plays out. 

Why doesn't ABC's Dan Abrams put together a holiday special on all the parents in urban areas throughout the United States who lost children to murder and how they are doing now?

Another needed for "20/20" is pet grief. When pet parents have to say good-bye to their four-legged children, the suffering can be profound.

Smart global ghostwriting, with social networking know-know. Emergencies welcome. Complimentary consultation (pressure-free) janegenova374@gmail.com.

 

The Next Downturn - If You're Over-50 & Career Goes to the Dogs

The pet-service enterprise Wag is well-organized. 

For example, it makes it easy for clients - that is, pet parents - and its contract employees to facilitate the common service of the dog walk. A lock box is attached to the door. 

As Recode reports, though, Wag, as it typical of many startups, aimed to grow too quickly. That got it into trouble and now sources say it is in talks to sell itself. Interestingly, just like fast-growth failure WeWork, Wag is backed by SoftBank. You bet, the SoftBank brand is taking a beating.

But, Wag's troubles shouldn't stand in the way of older folks looking for work trying out walking dogs. In my former Youngstown, Ohio neighborhood, several over-50 Wag dog walkers told me that the gig helped them connect the dot about how to start earning some serious money. 

According to them, Wag bills the client about $14. They get around $9, plus a tip. Since pet parents want their four-leggers treated well they are likely to also tip well.

One 56-year-old teacher who anticipated she would be forced out (she was) found dog walking in the evening and weekends showed her how much growth there was in the pet niche. She began developing a portfolio of articles published in third-party media about pet issues. When she is ready she will launch her own pet-care brand. 

The rub on that, of course, is that it requires supreme belief in one's ability to go from point A to Point B, then Point C in struggling to make a living when aging. Here, free to click open, is my book which can get that mindset started Download Outwitting ageism

The reality is the more than one-half of the over-50 will be forced out of their jobs. If they land on their feet and are able to get another job, only one out 10 will make comparable money.

In 2003, after my business collapsed, I did a holiday gig job in Sephora as a security guard. That led to a full-time job in loss prevention, including health benefits, with then Allied Barton Protective Services. Soon enough I regained the confidence to launch another enterprise. Actually that turned into two: both communications and career coaching. 

Takeaway: Working at a paid something, anything, brings more and better paid work.

Coaching, lecturing, and writing/ghostwriting thought leadership content on aging.

 

For individual coaching – sliding scale fees. Complimentary initial consultation. The displaced over-50 get back to work. Please contact Jane Genova janegenova374@gmail.com.

NYC Restaurant Owner Pays Damages, Fine for Not Allowing Service Dogs

The law in New York City is this: Service dogs are allowed in restaurants if they are registered with the Department of Health. At the restaurant, the law further states, it is not necessary for the canine's registration papers as a service dog to be shown.

Twice, Judge John Spooner ruled, restaurant owner Besim Kukaj violated that law.

The two restaurants involved had been Limon Jungle and Intermezzo. As a result he will pay $14,000 in damages and a $50,000 fine to the city. This ruling follows a trial in which the Commission on Human Rights went after Kukaj, who owns multiple eateries, for barring service dogs.

At Limon Jungle, Henry Goldstein, who suffers from anxiety, brought his service dog Cookie. Employees told him he had to leave. 

At Intermezzo, there was a kind of sting. A call was made to arrange for a private party and a request was made to bring the service dog. Employees didn't allow that. 

The high fine was to send a message about not messing with the law regarding service dogs. Goldstein felt humiliated to be evicted from the restaurant. Here are more details from The Wall Street Journal.

Smart global ghostwriting, with social networking know-know. Emergencies welcome. Complimentary consultation (pressure-free) janegenova374@gmail.com.

Cyberbullying: Darkness Falling on Veterinary Profession

We love our animals. So we love those who tend to their medical needs, right?

Wrong. Dead wrong. The cyberbullying from the pet parents who are unhappy with the treatment is one factor in the epidemic of suicides among veterinarians.

The other major causes are financial stress, burning out, and access to lethal drugs.

The CDC documents that the rate of suicide among both female and male veterinarians is higher than that of the general population. 

The online attacks motivated the veterinarians at Florida's DeLand Animal Hospital to sue Yelp poster Thomas Lloyd. 

Operating an animal hospital is a business. Those negative reviews can hurt business, in addition to the morale of the doctors.

The financial stress also comes from the reality that veterinarians aren't compensated at the rate of MDs. Meanwhile, their debt from student loans is high. The average can be about $170,000, with 20% of graduates dragging a $200,000 burden. 

The New York Veterinary Society is focused on preventing the suicides. However, other lines of work, ranging from being a cop to manning an aircraft carrier to practicing law, are also experiencing an epidemic of suicides. 

Not getting results from your marketing communications? Complimentary consultation – janegenova374@gmail.com.

Aging As the New Orphans - Lawyers Replace Family

In November 2003, my younger sister Anne Murga-Ring and I became estranged. I was 58, at the time: young old. 

But even then I got it: I was w/o family, at least the nuclear kind. Parents and older sister had died. Relationships with cousins and their children, always frayed, had split their seams. I felt unhinged. After all, the ethnic ethos in America is All in the Family.

Now, experts on aging confirm that my distress was appropriate. They warn that navigating aging can be more difficult w/o family. Increasingly, more of us are winding up just that way: flying solo and often flying blind.

What's coming up is the 16th anniversary of that estrangement. In my thinking and in how I conduct my personal and professional affairs plenty has changed since then. 

Let's cut to the chase. What I have discovered is that a satisfying secure life can be put together while getting older w/o any family members. 

This is what I know:

• Actress Betty White, who has become advocate for older Americans, has hammered that aging isn't for sissies. This stage of a life represents as challenging a rite of passage as transitioning from formal education to the world of work. Therefore, I had to and continually still have t0 invest time and attention in figuring out what are the obstacles and opportunities in no longer being young. The number-one problem was denial. The major advantage was breaking open to forms of satisfaction beyond a career.
• Estate planning doesn't mean creating an inheritance for siblings. My beneficiary is an animal cause.
• Lawyers can be contracted to handle every detail. That ranges from whether to pull the plug to closing down all matters after I die. Sure, there's a fee. But there is also always a kind of fee in the complex maze of family relationships. 
• Holidays can represent startups. Mine has been to use them to see the USA in my Chevrolet. That need not be expensive. Discount Motel 6 takes dogs free. LOV, my four-legged son, enjoys the holidays as much as I do.
• Developing a small circle of trusted allies is mandatory. They provide early warning systems of what is going wrong. During the past two years that network has included a millennial. She flagged me that I had to end my preoccupation with money. I had "enough." And enough is enough. In the book "Making Toast," Roger Rosenblatt pointed out how little we really need later in life. 
• For those of us still determined to keep working, an executive coach is useful. From mine I "needed permission" to turn down assignments I didn't sense were a fit. Sure, I have down cold the Pareto Rule (80% of revenue comes for 20% of clients). But the residual insecure parts of me still required permission.

Not that getting older has been a wonderful "growth" experience. However, the process took on the quality of an adventure when I got the hang of transcending my own comfort zones. Here, free to download, is my book on all that. 

As my communications clients were observing how I was mastering aging, w/o family, they asked me to assist them. Where they especially found guidance useful was the professional identity piece. They wondered: How could they play better the cards they still held and how could they manage to get different ones? Yes, it's possible to be a Late Bloomer. Look at Betty White, Clint Eastwood, et al.

I have added over-50 coaching to the menu of services I offer.

Coaching, lecturing, and writing/ghostwriting thought leadership content on aging.  

 

For individual coaching – sliding scale fees. Complimentary initial consultation. The displaced over-50 get back to work. Please contact Jane Genova janegenova374@gmail.com.

 

Pierre Cleveland - Owner of Pit Pulls in Fatal Mauling Charged

During the three pit bulls' fatal attack on Emma Hernandez, nine years old, one was shot. The two others have been taken to Detroit Animal Care and Control. The odds are, given that the attack was deadly, they were be euthanized.

Meanwhile, as Law and Crime reports, their owner Pierre Cleveland, 33, faces multiple charges. They include ownership of dangerous animals, causing death, involuntary manslaughter, and second-degree murder. Bail has been set at $2 million. He is to appear in court on August 30th for a probable cause conference.

Law and Crime notes that several times Cleveland had been warned that his dogs should not be roaming the neighborhood. At the time of the fatal attack, Hernandez had been riding her bicycle. Although neighbors and her own brother tried to save her, those efforts were futile.

This is an extreme case of an attacks by dogs. Annually, as I posted in an article on this blog, according to the CDC there are about 4.5 million dog bites annually. Those will increase, given what has been called The Delivery Economy. Some lawyers have created a niche business representing victims of those attacks.

Not getting results from your marketing communications? Complimentary consultation – janegenova374@gmail.com.

Michael Barisone v. Lauren Kanarek - When the 1% Don't Turn to Lawyers

Just like the rest of humanity, the 1% have conflicts. But unlike the rest, they have the resources to hire the best legal minds in the world to duke it out.

That's not what happened, though, on Hawthorne Farm in rural Morris County, New Jersey.

Sources told the New York Post there was some kind of landlord-tenant dispute. Dressage Olympian Michael Berisone owns the farm. Winner of national equestrian medals Lauren Karnarek was a tenant.

Something happened. On Wednesday, Kanarek was carried away to the hospital with two life-threatening bullet wounds. She was not expected to live. However, after surgery she remains stable.

Meanwhile Barisone has been hit with two counts each of attempted murder and weapons possession. 

This is the kind of saga that makes it into the investigative reporting of Vanity Fair. The world yearns to have access to the ugly underbelly of the business and social dynamics among the 1%

Not getting results from your marketing communications? Complimentary consultation – janegenova374@gmail.com.

Lawyers More Lonely Than Other Professionals - 5 Tactics Back into Friendship Loop (but all slow)

The lack of common ground isn't just in politics in America.

In more and more aspects of life there also is less and less common space.

That's what Matthew Walther observes in his article on loneliness in The Week. That puts the odds against finding other human beings we can become friends with. The crisis of loneliness deepens.

The ABA reports that 61% of lawyers placed higher than average on the loneliness scale. And, lawyers are more lonely than those in other professions.

But, that can't all be accounted for by the emotional hardening that goes along with practicing law and pushing to develop new business. Those just starting on in their lives are also caught in the loneliness web. According to YouGov, 30% of U.S. millennials say they are lonely and 20% contend they have no friends.

What it's come to, notes Walther, is that we "pretend pets are people." (Should law firms have dogs roaming the corridors and assign who will walk the canines on what days and what hours?)

So, let's look at what used to be common space and is no more. Here are 5 examples I find useful to focus on and why they have disappeared:

•  Home. Walther hammers that raising a family is no longer affordable. Those connections have gone the way of the low-IQ phone. More of us live alone. But, sure, it had been possible to make friends even when single. Remember how Mary Richards and Rhoda, both in their own apartments, developed a deep relationship. Now, after all the stress from the whatever, we singles are not reaching out. Meanwhile, we are trapped in an i-world of messaging, movies, and games. 
• College. Forget it. As Yale professor Deresiewicz captures in "Excellent Sheep," higher education, especially at the top of the food chain, has become a competitive arena for high grades. Chasing after them makes the time-consuming process of developing friendships unlikely. Also, the postings of all the other students on Instagram are a source of feeling less-than. Best to steer clear of the whole people thing. 
•  Work. Who isn't after our job? And there are simply many more rats eager to gain favor with superiors by carrying tales about us. Maybe this saga is true, maybe it isn't. In northeast Ohio a millennial claims the reason she was fired was because she confided in a co-worker her battle with clinical depression and anxiety.
•  The store. No one goes there any more, not even for groceries, which are delivered.
•  Church. Gallup documents that membership in a religious organization is down to 50%. From 1937 through the late 1970s it was at 70+%.  

However, if we are determined not to be so so lonely, we can explore where common space can be. Here is what I have discovered is promising during the 63 months I have struggled to find companionship since I uprooted from the New York Metro area:

•  Gyms. Both those stand-alone ones and the in-house fitness centers in residential complexes are wide open to socializing. If we are cautious and don't push too hard too soon to move the gymbuddyness to the next level we could wind up with a few people to talk with. 
•  Recovery meetings. The friendship, or as it is called the "fellowship," is the key driver in attending regularly.  It's like the good old days, with folks inviting us to go out for coffee or have fun at pig roasts by the lake.
•  Wellness groups, ranging from yoga to meditation. People feel they are doing the right thing and are more receptive to welcome those also pursuing healthy goals.
• Pet parks. I have witnessed romances blossom as the canines tend to bring people together. Here a tail wags, there a tail wags. Soon we are not alone. 
•  Goodwill and consignment stores. Traditional retail is out. But hunting in-person for steep bargains has become a national hobby. In that space it's easy to get conversations going which often move on to human beings sharing their stories. This is suitable for law students and seniors in college waiting to hear back from the law schools they applied to. 

However, even with these tactics, expect a slow journey to being back in a friendship loop. Interacting is, well, counter-trend. The trend is i-immersion., along with extreme work. Name one very successful lawyer you know who emerges from the I-world and legal tasks and opens himself or herself to in-person human interaction with peers. The client/prospect stuff is a whole different matter, of course.

Reflection: Friendship requires effort. Being a lawyer might just leave no energy over for that sort of thing. 

Not getting results from your marketing communications? Complimentary consultation – janegenova374@gmail.com.