Law And More

"Ma"- Pain, Pre-Digital, Then a Crime Spree

Back in an Ohio high school, Sue Ann - who goes by nickname Ma - had been withdrawn and naive. She was also one of the few blacks. Of course, she craved to belong.

The mean kids set her up to give oral sex to popular Ben. Then, as a group almost like a Greek Chorus, they laughed about it. That was in person, in the high school corridor. Today it would be through Instagram. 

The film "Ma" chronicles how Sue Ann enacts revenge on those former classmates. That plot starts out with their children, whom she allows to party in her basement.

Bit by bit she becomes increasingly unstable and hostile. That ranges from murdering Ben and his girlfriend Mercedes to drugging and sewing the lips of a smart-mouthed teenager who told her she needed a man. 

Critics note that "Ma" could have been a great film. The plot line and acting don't take advantage of possibilities. But what resonates is the message that those years between childhood and becoming an actual adult are difficult. There are those, like Ma, who never shake off the pain. 

Some entrepreneur with a deep understanding of human nature can invent an app that allows teenagers to sort out in real time and all the time what's happening in their little lives. It would be voice-activated like Alexa, be a damn good listener, and provide sophisticated forms of compassion and guidance. In addition, it would be guaranteed for confidentiality. 

Another kind of help would be allowing students to bring their dogs to school. 

My own descent into hell began not in high school. It was in an all-woman's small Roman Catholic College, not far from where "Ma" is set. Here is that dark psychological drama.

Three years ago, I returned to the scene of the crime to try to sort out all that. I didn't expect it to work. But it did. Unfortunately, too many real-life therapists are unimaginative about what could and does heal. Apps could be lots more creative. 

Not getting results from your marketing communications? Complimentary consultation – janegenova374@gmail.com.

New Form of Domestic Violence & BigDrama: Serina Wolfe's Revenge Tip

Given the media coverage Serina Wolfe's $5,000 "revenge tip" has received, this new form of domestic violence is bound to have plenty of copy cats. Who hasn't become enraged with a soulmate at some time? And this whacks that man or woman right in the wallet. 

Everywhere, service personnel will have to review unusually large tips on small credit-card purchases. The whole transaction could be delayed as the security folks at the credit card company verify the amount of the tip with the person whose name is on the credit card.

Obviously, arrests could be made right on the spot. Look forward to BigDrama at public facilities. 

As the world knows, Wolfe and her boyfriend Michael Crane had a verbal altercation. The issue was if he would allow her to put the flight from Florida back to her hometown Buffalo, New York on his credit card. 

That could have resulted in a physical assault or even death. Matters of the heart are wild cards.

Instead, the rage seemed to motivate Wolfe to push back in a monetary way. A punch right to the budget - and FICA score - of the man she (supposedly) cared about in a romantic way.

Unfortunately, that didn't turn out to be an effective way to channel her anger. Crane reported that $5,000 on his credit card to law enforcement. Wolfe now faces charges of grand larceny.

Caught in the middle is Clear Sky Beachside Cafe.

It had paid out the tip to the server. She had been despondent about the death of her dog.

Now, the burden is on the dining facility to resolve this financial matter.

Will it ask the waitress to return the tip?

Will it swallow the payout?

Will it crowdfund for strangers to help both the business and the waitress out. Those pitching in funds can receive, for instance, a 15% discount on all meals at Clear Sky. Doesn't everyone go to FL at one time or another?

Reflection: Should romantic relationships, like the privilege of driving a car, require licenses? Part of the licensing process would be mandatory training in anger management.

Exactly the right tone and content for all your communications. Complimentary consultation janegenova374@gmail.com.

 

Law Firms - Listen to Wag, Not Stress Experts

There had been that old joke.

A newbie lawyer lobbyist walks into a bar in Washington D.C.

He grouses about how unfriendly and even hostile the folks inside the beltway are.

The guy bellying up to the bar next to him smirks and says, "Get a dog." Yeah, in searching for support from two-leggers, the lawyer was, to use the cliché, barking up the wrong tree. 

That anecdote  is supposed to showcase how dogs, the four-leggers, are mankind's best friend. And it does.

But in this era when capitalism has run wild and narcissism has overtaken relationships, the dog might turn out to be mankind's only friend. And that's exactly why law firms should allow several dogs in the office. The logistics can be worked out easily. Already, more and more offices in trophy buildings in major metro areas have dogs. Otherwise there might have been more suicides.

A Wag survey found that in terms of looking for emotional support, 44% of those who responded answered that they turn to their dogs versus confiding in humans. Imagine how much stress could be prevented or released if the overwhelmed lawyer or staff member simply took the dog for a walk and shared woes along the way. 

Also Wag reported that of those interviewed, 38% admitted that their affection is showered on the dog, not others in their life. The surprise is that the percentage isn't higher. Paid parental leave should be extended to dog adoption. Fund that instead of contracting with supposed stress experts to parachute in.

Exactly the right tone and content for all your communications. Complimentary consultation janegenova374@gmail.com.

It Should Be the Law: Not Leaving Dogs Alone During 4th of July Fireworks

Some volunteers make it their business to show up at animal shelters on the Fourth of July. That's to hold close the dogs who become terrified of the loud noises and flashes of light from the fireworks. 

That's what all of us who are pet parents have to also do.

I have backed out of my usual Thursday evening meeting at a support group. No way can I leave my four-legged son LOV alone. That's downright animal cruelty.

If employers have a heart they will allow employees hours of pet leave during the most intense period of fireworks. If that isn't possible then workers should ask a neighbor to be there for the dog.

Exactly the right tone and content for all your communications. Complimentary consultation janegenova374@gmail.com.

Work - That and Other (fatal) Disappointments

Since 2006, the rate of suicide in the U.S. has increased 2% each year.

In addition, suicide attempts are at about 1.4 million annually.

Those are just some of the statistics the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released today from its recent study. Here are more details from Bloomberg.

A sign of these suicidal times, talking about thoughts of offing oneself is no longer taboo. And it has become commonplace.

In fact, last night a Millennial neighbor and I chatted up in front of our building about our bout of suicidal ideation earlier in the week. The woman next door who overheard us joined in. My quip was that when a date asked me my purpose in life, I blurted out: Trying my best to stay alive. 

Yeah, we are a nation in lousy emotional shape.

As the Bloomberg article points out, the 60-year run of optimism about treatments for mental illness - ranging from medication to take therapy - was magical thinking. A reason for that is also something Bloomberg notes:

" ... psychological stressors can activate a genetic predisposition, so life circumstances matter a lot. And the U.S. is home to some particularly challenging ones ..."

WORK SUCKS

At the top of the list is the disenchantment with work. Since Puritan times the work ethic has been the unofficial religion in America. That belief system is being battered on all fronts.

Some don't have enough work.

Others work at what pays peanuts.

Those who have lots of well-paid work such as lawyers, like Gabe MacConaill, are committing suicide. Or they are self-destructing in other ways be those drugs or embezzling client funds and getting caught.

A reason FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early) has caught fire is that too many are treated so badly by employers, clients, and customers while working. The dream is to find satisfaction elsewhere.

FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS

The pain is palpable. And, as fellow human beings, we feel it.

So many decent human beings are suffering and it's needless.

The most obvious instance of that is homelessness. Some cities look like third-world countries.

But more pervasive is the extreme loneliness. Gone is the ability to even have a conversation. The Diane Sawyer two-hour television special on screen time pointed the finger for this at digital technology. In addition, the aging become invisible. Then they self-isolate.

RATS NO LONGER STAY IN THE BASEMENT

In Manhattan there used to be the old saying: If the rats stay in the basement, you know things are under control. It's when the rats climb the stairs and merrily join the diners in the restaurant that you know the social system is collapsing. 

The dark aspects of society - corruption, narcissism, violence, and bullying - have taken over. We watch an inspiring film such as "Breakthrough" and are incapable of feeling hope.

It's overdue that the key institutions in society such as the mental health system, education, government, and the private sector look at what Bloomberg labeled "life circumstances." Those are the levers to push to reduce suicide.

Meanwhile, it is possible to get through the day.

Talking to one trusted acquaintance can release the despair.

There are caring human beings at Samaritans. That free hotline (212-673-3000) operates 24/7.

Go the animal shelter and adopt a companion, even if that means relocating to a pet-friendly apartment.

Do one decent human act. That can be as small a gesture as holding the door open for a mother carrying a child. 

Full Disclosure: Several members of my family committed suicide. 

Exactly the right tone and content for all your communications. Complimentary consultation janegenova374@gmail.com.

Raw Reflections on Mother's Day 2019

Supposedly timely for Mother's Day, USA Today provides a feature on outsourcing parenting. The tasks farmed out range from potty training to childproofing the residence. None of that comes cheap.

However, outsourcing parenting is nothing new in the history of civilization.

The most warm and fuzzy symbol of performing that important duty in society is nanny Mary Poppins.

From the days of Old Manhattan, anyone who cruised by the parks in Manhattan spotted benches filled with outsourced labor chatting among themselves as they keep a watchful eye on what was going on in the elegant prams.

Let's face it, childcare has always been a time-consuming tedious undertaking. Those with the resources to farm out most or all of that out usually did.

For example, in the 2019 book by Tracy Borman on Henry VIII, what's discussed as totally normal was housing royal offspring away from the family. That went on until the child could provide a useful function in court. The chronicle is "Henry VIII: And the Men Who Made Him" and here it can be ordered from Amazon.

But wealth and power are not required in that particular kind of outsourcing.

Extended families usually took on the role automatically. Given the necessity of searching, finding, and holding onto work, children usually were a bad fit. As infants through their teenage years, they were placed in the full-time or part-time care of grandparents, aunts, and even other young children.

That's practically the norm in parts of China as the economy changes. Parents flock from rural areas to the cities to work and live. 

Essentially that was a commonplace dynamic in the immigrant tenements of downtown Jersey City, New Jersey during the 50s. Sometimes a risk-taker would go out to California to escape factory work or cleaning offices. The offspring were left behind, usually for years. Neighbors who were scheduled for the night shift had the children sleep in the apartments of other neighbors. That's the way it was.

Of course, just as now, there also was plenty of total inability to care for children. Probably I never had children, always preferring rescuing and caring for dogs and cats, because my younger sister's care was outsourced to me.

My mother had been mentally ill. My father had two jobs, mostly to steer clear of the domestic tragedy unfolding. As an infant and toddler I was cared for by my grandmother and aunt.

From the get-go, the majority of my colleagues and clients had live-in nannies. They had to. With such a hyper competitive work world they couldn't risk not sleeping through the night. That would have been career suicide.

Meanwhile, with farming out childcare so expensive in major metro areas, it's no surprise fertility rates are plunging. Right now it's at a 30-year low. Also, in some sectors being a mother is perceived as a negative. One current lawsuit dealing with that alleged brutal reality in the field of law is "Doe v. Morrison & Foerster."

And those into pop culture will recall that Katherine on television series "A Million Little Things" felt forced to turn down the invitation to be partner.

The terms and conditions wouldn't allow her to run home to have dinner with her son every night. She indicated that after dinner she would return to the office.

That, the partners responded, would be a lack of commitment to the firm.

Soon enough, upscale neighborhoods in the United States will be overrun with dogs. There will be few or no children.

Exactly the right tone and content for all your communications. Complimentary consultation janegenova374@gmail.com.

 

Unethical, Illegal - But Law Firms Have Solid Reasons for Not Championing Family Life

The cultural, social, and economic shift is obvious: Few in industrialized nations pressure anyone to have children. 

The baby is no longer a symbol of blessings.

A secure well-paying job is. And holding onto that job means not being "distracted" by family obligations. Yes, career reality can be that brutal. That's probably the stealth mindset at your large law firm. 

According to the OECD, the birth rate at below 2.1  in industrialized nations is lower than what is needed to replace the human beings on planet earth. Here are more details from Fortune.

Some macro economic experts see peril in the declining birth rate. 

For instance, there are fewer workers to make up for the large wave of retirement taking place in industrialized nations. So, who is going to fund entitlements for the aging such as social security and subsidized health care? Already, youth resents older members of society. Yes, there is generational warfare.

Also, the number of consumers is reduced. GDP growth in some nations such as the U.S. is primarily generated by consumer purchases. Here consumer activity accounts for about 70% of GDP.

Overall, children have become an economic burden. Since college is still perceived as a must, that means not only a financial burden for parents. Also, there will probably not be an empty nest for years. It is increasingly difficult for human beings in developed economies to get launched. Even before that, childcare tends to be very expensive.

Also, offspring can't be counted on to take care of parents in their old age. Given longer lifespans, by time the parents begin to become less independent their children are middle-aged, with plenty of their own challenges. For instance, their employer might be trying to force them out before of age.

I bore witness to that in a subsidized residential complex for the aging in New Haven, Connecticut. The offspring didn't pitch in joyfully during that interim period between when their parents were navigating things on their own and when then heading toward assisted living. Instead of concern, there is agitation. 

Sure, some members of my baby boomer generation have great satisfaction from interacting with their grandchildren. But many others make it their mission to move far away from family in order not to be saddled with childcare. 

Prediction: More and more of us will become parents of four-leggers versus two-leggers.

Exactly the right tone and content for all your communications. Complimentary consultation janegenova374@gmail.com.

Listen Up, Tort Reformers: Crazy DIY Healing Can Prevent Lawsuits (let the dogs in)

In September 1963, in  coal-mining town in Pennsylvania, "they" broke me.

That was even before, at age 18, I had finished putting together a self.

The "they" were the Sisters of Charity at Seton Hill, Greensburg, PA. Here is how that happened.

Along the way in my little life, myriad recommendations were made about efficient modes of healing. After all, the business model, which had triggered the post-war economic boom, dominated. 

Those ranged from suing the alma mater to psychotherapy to Alcoholics Anonymous. Beware those with supposed grave concerns about your well-being. Former English majors, recall all the guidance Iago delivered to Othello in that Shakespeare tragedy. Haha, imagine not being well-put-together and filing a lawsuit against an educational institution. 

In May 2014, in Tucson, Arizona, the universe decided to cut me a break.

I got it that it was up to me to shake off that whatever.

The first step was to respond to former college classmate Kathleen Huebner's too-cute e-greeting card for Memorial Day with the message to bug off. Here is the back story. 

That spilled over to professional relationships. I grossed record revenues. As #MeToo has uncovered, nice shouldn't be part of the female socialization process. Instead, come to value your worth. David Sanford of law firm Sanford Heisler Sharp has been the Super Coach on that, hasn't he.

The next big step, a necessary one but what seemed insane to some, was to return to the scene of the crime. That was September 2106. Yes, I relocated from AZ near to that one-time coal mining town. It's now a city unto itself.

Over and over again, on weekends, I and the dog have made it our business to tour campus - anonymously. Funny, there was no security. No one asked for my ID. As a syndicated legal blogger I found that puzzling, post-Virginia Tech. 

The dog's and my fav healing spot - I call it our private Lourdes - has been the graveyard for dead nuns and lay leadership.

Yes, my enemies were six feet under. As did the many kings in Shakespeare's history plays, I envisioned they went wild into their graves. 

The dog gleefully ran over the nuns' flat embedded tombstones. Was that a symbol of my freedom from the past? I took it as such. 

Soon enough I can pull out of town. Whole. I can settle in, finally, wherever I want. And be who I am, after an interruption of more than five decades.

Reflection: Healing is a crazy DIY process. Leave out third parties including lawyers (except for four-legged intuitives). 

Exactly the right tone and content for all your communications. Complimentary consultation janegenova374@gmail.com.

Baby Boomer Law Partners - Come On, Do You Really Care about Having a Building Named After You?

The image of the U.S. is that of a death-denying nation. 

In an article in Undark, anthropologist Anita Hannig documents that mindset. 

But, most of those on my networks, including law partners, are fully aware that they won't be dancing forever on planet earth. Their heart will stop, their brain waves will halt, and that will be that for a life.

Is there an afterlife? Given so many other things to focus on in 2019, fewer are reflecting on that. The attitude is: Let's get through this one, that is, death and dying. Such planning ranges from enough funding for assisted living to having the will up to date.

It's funny. On the internet I bumped into several acquaintances from Snyder High School, Jersey City, New Jersey Class of 1963. Some had achieved partnerships in law firms, large, medium, and small. Our generation was a voice one so we got on the phone. Almost immediately was the phrase: We're going to die. 

It had been a bad few weeks. I rolled my eyes. And, I thought: Not soon enough.

Strangely, we mentioned what we would miss, as if there is a post-death consciousness that facilities awareness of loss. For me, the big losses would no longer be writing and the satisfaction of having been involved in animal rescue for 15 years. 

No one mentioned legacy. Not one of us had been aiming to earn enough money or fame to have a building named after us. That was even though some had their names on the door.

Hell, we don't even want a tombstone. Even memorial services are out. We were here. Then we weren't.

Meanwhile, I mentally thank all the companion animals who have brought me such love. 

Law partners might go through a list in their heads of all those who helped them achieve Brandnames in a demanding field. Remember how Denny Crane on "Boston Legal" took such price in that. Then the irony: Going was even his ability to be aware of that. 

Reflection: Don't hold on anything in life too tightly. 

Exactly the right tone and content for all your communications. Complimentary consultation janegenova374@gmail.com.

Lawyers - Maybe the Kid Should Go to Trade School

Research documents that the average cost of one year at a state university is $20,770.

At a nonprofit private college or university it's $46,950.

That covers tuition, room/board, and fees.

Add-ons are the traveling expenses back home for the holidays, digital gadgets, and recreation. 

So much for the financial nut for the so-called "college experience."

Traditionally, the "college experience" has been defined as residence for four-years at a college or university.

The learning is supposed to be holistic. That is, the human being will not only grow cognitively and pick up enough whatever to get a job.

There is also to be a formation of values. At least that was the mission of the Puritans when they started Harvard in 1636.

But the extreme financial investment entailed is not the only reason for re-thinking the college experience.

And, believe me, many are doing that re-thinking. Boston Magazine reports on the growing number of colleges shutting down in New England. Parents have questioned the assumption that college is necessary for their children to be able to earn a living.

The high tuition has often been the tipping point. An alternate to college has been the trade school. Welding, long-distance truck driving, cosmetology, plumbing, and coding currently are all ways of making a living made possible by training in an institution or through an apprentice program outside the college box. 

However, according to the 2018 book "The Class Ceiling," offspring of lawyers are 17 times more likely to become lawyers than those from other kinds of backgrounds. Here are more details from Abovethelaw.com. So, lawyers, maybe from the get-go, you will be saddled with not only college but also law school tuitions. 

However, there might be hope, lawyers. Another challenge to the college experience cuts right to its core. In this fast-mutating globalized economy driven by digital, can human beings "afford" to be put in an environment separated from "real life" for four years? Sure, there are internships. Sure, some student launch enterprises in the dorm. Sure, there are even paid jobs on and off campus.

But instead of being out there entirely focused on mastering the games associated with economic survival (and building wealth) the human being frequently is put on hold. Their understanding of how the work world really works is way off. For example, they hustle for top grades. Those might be necessary to be admitted to medical school or a top law school. But, come on, research and experience demonstrate that the "C" students become the bosses of the "A" students. 

Another reason to push back against inflicting the college experience on anyone is that nutty bit of nostalgia: College friendships are forever and the networks created will be a long-term professional asset.

Actually, executive coach Henry Cloud's book "Necessary Endings" has been a sustained best-seller because he warns against that kind of bonding. The world changes. Human beings change. The world of work keeps changing. 

In 2014, thrown off my usually successful game by so much change in my line of work and aging, I did a Hail Hail, The Gang's All Here. I reached back to acquaintances from the Class of 1967 at Seton Hill University. Incidentally, back then,the total nut for the annual package was about $1,500, including travel home for the holidays. 

Negative learning is more powerful than the positive kind.

The attempt to restore something, anything with The Gang of Four (Kathleen Huebner, et al.) triggered a full-blown case of PTSD. Here is a chronicle of that horror.

This month I celebrate the 5th anniversary of the extreme pain of getting it that, as Cloud hammers, movement must be forward, never backward.

And, BTW, my college experience wasn't so hot, either. Here is that story, which I have a hunch isn't atypical. 

Overall, research, the high cost of college, the continuous difficulties in earning a good living over a lifetime, and the existence of the dark side of human nature all will push America to declare this: The college experience, as we had known it, is counterproductive for achieving most goals. 

Think about this: For April 2019, ZipRecruiter indicates that the annual median compensation for a long-haul truck driver is $71,817.

About 10 months ago, my Baby Boomer white collar colleague, laid off from a healthcare position, enrolled in a truck driving school here in northeastern Ohio. The cost was about $7,000, for which loans were available. He could have gotten free training if he committed two years to working for the company associated with a training program.

For about eight weeks, he had to study very hard and manage the stress of hands-on road experience. Then, he was on his way, again along a successful career path. Now that he is heading into a year of experience, he is in the position to negotiate compensation and what route he will do.

When my two businesses were slow, he encouraged me to also look into long-distance driving. More females, of all ages, are opting for that solid middle class wage. And, we can bring along our dogs for the ride. I took some preliminary steps about enrolling in program. Then, as often happens in self-employment, my businesses took off again. 

Had I to do it all over again, I would have continued living at home, working part time at New Jersey Bell as a long-distance operator, and hustling for freelance writing assignments with the local town crier The Jersey Journal.

Instead, I went the academic route, including doctoral studies in literature and linguistics at the University of Michigan.

It wasn't until age 31 that I was on my way to developing a marketable skill: professional writing. And I figured out how to do that w/o enrolling in one damn course or going for a certificate at the local university.

In 2004, I got it that I had to learn social media. I hired a coach for a few months. No, I didn't take an extension course at the university. 

More and more big name companies, ranging from Google to Apple, no longer require college degrees to apply for jobs. Here are those real-world facts. 

Reflection: Employers such as Unilever are piloting recruiting programs bypassing resumes, cover letters, references, and visits to college campuses.

Instead they are leveraging approaches such as gamification and AI-monitored video interviews to determine what job applicants can get the job done the best, the fastest, the lowest-cost, and w/o social tensions. It's what we can do for employers in real time. Not a resume of academic credentials. 

Question: Is higher education an addiction? And the elite brand a version of high grade heroin or cocaine?

I did also wind up a 1L at Harvard Law School when I was in my 40s. After I had been accepted, I felt compelled to go. That was even though by that time in the process of applying to law schools, I sensed I was too successful in communications to do that kind of career change. Also, given the complexity of law, I was too old. During the 1L year I high-tailed it back to the communications career path. 

Need affordable help strategically planning and putting together content? That ranges from blog posts and e-books to planning/scripting podcasts and creating traditional speeches. Complimentary consultation on how to generate influence and sell without paying high rates, janegenova374@gmail.com.